“I’m standing on the edge of some crazy cliff…”

I got word yesterday via FB  message that J.D. Salinger passed away. Though he seems to have been incognito for the majority of his time in the public eye, his work was always something to be admired. I remember first reading “The Catcher in the Rye” sometime in middle school, and though I’m sure I didn’t pick up on many of the deeper themes, I always had an appreciation for it. I was lucky enough to have it assigned as one of my class readings for my “Life Journey’s” course with Mike Heller… by far my favorite course in college. Who can complain about jotting all of your favorite quotes and experiences down on paper? It’s easier to reflect on how you truly felt when looking back.

In other words, like a fellow tweeter pointed out, I hope that there is a mass amount of work that will come about. He had such deep emotion but always kept out of the public element (probably kept him from far too much drama) which made him even more intriguing. RIP Salinger…

On another note, I see day by day that it’s almost impossible to give insight into the thousands of things that happen throughout the day, let alone throughout the week. But here’s some of the top events in a nutshell. My last post caused somewhat of a ruckus, my point with this blog is yes, to have readers. BUT if you choose to read it, than I hope you’re aware that what I post is for several purposes. To take a deeper look on the events that occur, to have friends laugh and realize that the debacles from last night will go down in college history (at least in our minds), and for people to enjoy taking a break from our assignments, stray away from reading emails, and hear about my story with them by my side. If you don’t agree, that’s absolutely fine! I’m sure there are many things I don’t agree with, but as my Mom always states as her favorite quote… “I may not agree with a word you say, but I defend to the death your right to say it.” Voltaire I believe? Please, feel free to not click on the “Big Hair and Underwear” link if it’s going to get you all riled up and defensive. Probably better for you to not give yourself a hernia and read another blog post… or just pick up a gossip magazine!

Anyways, let me tell you about my minor mental breakdown. After a night of delish wings and some margaritas with a few ladies, I received a phone call that I had to delay until my dinner date was over. I head back home (a quick walk away) throw down my jacket and my mustard leather purse that can be swung around and carried with all my essentials. I had a weird feeling before I made the call, probably because I’d been doing research all week on potential job opportunities in the North. Corrected my resumé, reviewed jobs, sent out some clutch emails to various mentors (the girls I strive to be like everyday because in my eyes, they’ve definitely veered off on the right path) and have tried to decide where it is that I want to be come May, June, or some month in the future.

Long story short, the call holds amazing news… I have a job come June. Though it’s something that I know is the perfect option for my future, and not to mention, it’s a job (can’t complain with that statement in this economy)… But the fear of making a life altering decision consumed me. And not to mention my best friends were either at work or out and about… so I panicked. Tears flew, I was being irrational, calling my poor mother sobbing for who knows what reason. As I meandered up the stairs, slunk on a bar stool, and poured out my thoughts my roommate Christine looked at me and said… “Shawna, it’s normal to have a slight panic attack… it’s your life… and this life change is overwhelming.” She was exactly right. It was a reality check that I don’t think I was ready for. True life, I have to graduate. If and when I do pack up my goods and re-locate whose going to hop in the car with me, put on some classic college tunes (acoustic male beach tunes that Mariah and I would approve of) and take the step into a new chapter? I’m a very independent person, this is true, but at the same time I’m scared of leaving all the people who have made my life what it is. My com padres who deal with my anxiety, my chattiness, and all my other (possibly quite annoying) quirks. There are days when I get so fed up with the foolishness around me, and yes, I do think I’m ready to get the hell out of the sunny and meet new people. I found a quote in one of our old school 80’s Phi Mu scrapbooks that said, “we’ll dream of days like these, when days like these are just dreams.” Couldn’t say it better myself.

So upon calming myself down, I took a deep breath and changed topics. I’m so grateful to know after my adventure to Aussie land in May (what an insane graduation present) I’ll have a job to go to in June. Whose not to say some things may change in the next few months, but things change every day, and it wouldn’t be as fun otherwise. As I sat at wing night last night and resisted having orange saucy fingers while trying to rock a silk Jcrew top that was pure white (disaster ahead when eating wings) I chatted at a back table with some sissy’s. The topic was past relationships, spring break, and hilarious stories that were too inappropriate for outside ears. Love and fishing, old stories that brought up emotions and nostalgia of best friends, fights, and in the end a whole stream of memories that I’d never want to forget… As the college days wrap up it makes me want to catch up with the original C’ville crew as well. We went through too much, particularly losing Nolan, and for a group of friends who all went their separate ways, I’m proud to say we can all head back home and rekindle as if no time has passed at all.

On an end note, I promise to throw in some zest in the next blog post. Maybe I’ll have Mariah May write down some savory recipe that doesn’t make the fire alarm in our house go off. We’re planning a wine and cheese in the near future as well, good idea for any college chica’s to gather with their girls and bring appetizers and vino, take some snapshots, and play a mixed tape of songs that each trigger memories that sum up this sweet, sweet life.

Another shout out and congrats to our new Phi babies! I’m off to an annual coffee date at Mill Mountain with my two favorites Sam, and Chelsea. Hope everyone’s week is coming to a good end… but it’s Friday and that means the fun has yet to begin!

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